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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230689">You Must Be This Tall</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelofthestory/pseuds/laurelofthestory'>laurelofthestory</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Forgotten Words [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Nuclear Throne (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Abrupt Ending, Banter, Best Friends, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Pre-Canon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 08:54:29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,882</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27230689</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurelofthestory/pseuds/laurelofthestory</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Marji is having a terrible, horrible day stuck pencil-pushing while half the department skips to go to a carnival. Luckily for her, her best friend has a plan.</p><p>Unfinished oneshot posted for the <a href="https://goodintentionswipfest.tumblr.com/">Good Intentions WIP-fest.</a></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lil' Hunter &amp; Rogue (Nuclear Throne)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>The Forgotten Words [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1979123</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Good Intentions: Abandoned and Unfinished WIPs</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>You Must Be This Tall</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This one's from 2018, I think it was one of the many things I ended up writing for my NaNo word count that year because I cannot focus on one singular project or I will literally die. It was intended to be a birthday present for SassyDragon that year, as this is her version of Rogue, but I never actually finished it. So, uh, happy very late birthday?</p><p>Yes, Rogue and Hunter only count as "good" cops because they left the IDPD</p><p>Check out the other works for the Good Intentions event <a href="https://goodintentionswipfest.tumblr.com/">here!</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was an indisputable statement of fact—<i>no one</i> liked portal duty.</p><p>You would expect that working in the I.D.P.D.’s transportation hub surrounded by technology that could bend the multiverse to one’s will would be much more interesting than it actually was. In reality, the job was more pointing people towards the right portal chamber or garage, keeping track of where everyone came and went and the vehicles and equipment they’d taken out and brought back (or destroyed, or claimed to have destroyed), and making sure qualified personnel were running the actual portal generators themselves and were reporting information consistent with that gathered by the unlucky sod sitting in the center kiosk punching cards and writing lists. Portals were not for personal use, and portals were not to be tampered with—this was something the I.D.P.D. took very seriously. The work was unbearably clerical, and required just enough attention to be unable to do or think of anything else without messing something up, but not enough to actually be <i>interesting,</i> especially if you were itching to be out in the field.</p><p>This duty tended to rotate between high-level officers because none of them really wanted to do it, but somebody had to, and the Captain went on about it “building character” or “learning patience” or “doing the maintenance to keep the machine running”. Honestly, no one knew why a robot couldn’t do it just as well, but administration refused to budge on the issue, likely to make the officers suffer as much as they did.</p><p>The particular unlucky sod in the kiosk on that day was one Marjaana Vahvuinen, a plucky elite who reveled in audacity and had been avoiding her scheduled shift for several weeks until the Captain herself, whom she was interning under, had finally told her point blank to get in the kiosk or get a demerit. Marji found the job especially soul-crushing, as her legs restlessly bounced under the desk and she tapped the end of her stylus against the tablet in front of her, eyeing the people going by in the massive room with sheer, overpowering boredom.</p><p>Ironically, she almost wished she’d taken the job when she had actually been scheduled to, as the work today was especially bad. Apparently, there was a very large carnival honoring some local custom or other happening in a dimension with a long, unwieldy identifier that had been colloquially shortened to Delta-Niner, and talk of it had seemingly spread to every squad on the force. For a lot of very stressed-out police officers working in a department that owned their entire lives and had been actively trying to eat all of their free time since they were six, this opportunity was like a prime scrap of meat, and all of them had suddenly become ravenous dogs. Of course, very few people had managed to weasel their way into clearance to actually visit, but that didn’t stop a much larger number of officers claiming they had permission or giving an eclectic variety of bullshit excuses as to why they <i>had</i> to be in Delta-Niner <i>right now</i> for <i>very important official business</i>—assuming they even bothered with that and didn’t simply say they were going somewhere else before trying to con a portal operator into taking them.</p><p>Marji couldn’t really blame any of them, of course—she wanted to go just as badly, or at least go and do <i>something, anything at all</i> that didn’t involve either being in HQ or <i>running around in a radioactive hellscape</i> like she usually ended up assigned to, but she was stuck and unable to help anyone at risk of the Captain’s wrath. She was quite bitter about the whole situation she was stuck in, and the only way she could take it out was on those who desperately tried to escape their assignments.</p><p>Marji had surreptitiously hidden her own tablet under the desk, and was taking frustrated notes in between people coming up to the window, listing off the various excuses she’d heard—deathly sick friends (their only family was each other, of course), mutant attack, sudden inexplicable black hole detected in the area (and <i>“yes I totally have high enough clearance to know about that, definitely higher than yours”).</i> She was pretty sure even the person who was scheduled to be here had run off to the carnival, while she was stuck pencil-pushing. It was bad enough being trapped and watching everyone else leave on assignments when there wasn’t something going on that was far more interesting than the apocalypse timelines the I.D.P.D. put most of their focus into.</p><p>She wasn’t sure how long she’d been there or whether there was going to be anyone to relieve her of duty at this rate, so when a tapping came at the front of the kiosk and Marji looked out the window to see no identifiable source, she was nearing the end of her patience. She shoved her personal tablet aside (after writing down <i>‘Godzilla, I swear’),</i> groaning in frustration and running a hand through her hair.</p><p>“Really? I don’t want to be here either. You’re <i>really</i> going to fucking ding-dong ditch me? I’ve got enough to deal with.”</p><p>She heard a huff from outside the kiosk, followed by a voice that sounded like it belonged to a boy who’d not yet hit puberty, though carried a tone much more wry and snarky than most eleven-year-olds could boast. “Wow. You’re having <i>that</i> good a day, huh?”</p><p>Marji’s eyes widened, and she cursed under her breath, standing up from her chair to lean out over the front window. Just below the lip, looking up at her with a smirk, was someone who had to be about four feet tall and looked about as youthful as his voice suggested, with brown hair falling in messy curls around his ears and big green eyes.</p><p>Marji let out a long sigh, letting her head hang. <i>“Oh my god,</i> Hunter, I am <i>so</i> sorry.”</p><p>His smirk quickly faded to a more genuine smile, as he reached up to pat the counter as if it was the thing that needed comforting. “Nah, you’re good. Wish they’d make these things a little lower, or have a step here or something.”</p><p>It was clear that Hunter wasn’t <i>actually</i> here to go on a mission, given the fact that he was wearing his dress uniform with the white stripe over the shoulders, the buttons down the front, and an actual I.D.P.D. badge on his chest instead of a patch. His gloves, weapon, and the jetpack he’d hardly been seen without on duty since R&amp;D had let him take the prototype were also missing. Marji didn’t really care about why he was here—a visit from her best friend was always welcome, and hopefully none of the others noticed the uniform and she could just <i>pretend</i> to be working for at least a few minutes.</p><p>Marji let out another groan and let herself flop over the front counter, arms dangling over the edge and hair obscuring her face. “I’m <i>dying,</i> Hunter.”</p><p>“I’ll be sure to visit your funeral.” Hunter flicked her bangs with a finger. “You want geraniums, or lilies?”</p><p>“Har har, you’re very funny.” </p><p>“Clearly, I am the greatest comedic mind in the Department. It’s good to finally have my genius recognized.”</p><p>Marji raised her head a bit to actually look at him properly. “This <i>sucks.”</i></p><p>“Delta-Niner?”</p><p>Marji scowled at the mere mention. “Yes, Delta-Niner. You cannot <i>imagine</i> the bullshit I have heard today.”</p><p>“I did hear someone talking about how their mom was <i>really badly injured</i> in Delta-Niner. Given the fact that we were all grown in tubes, I kind of doubt that. I’m also pretty sure I’ve seen at least three people walking around with flasks.”</p><p>“Honestly, I wish I’d thought of that.” Marji reluctantly pulled herself back up to a leaning position, elbows on the counter. “Please rescue me from this hell.”</p><p>“See, normally I’d make fun of you, but in <i>this</i> situation that’s a little too cruel even for me. So I <i>would</i> commiserate with you instead. But…” Hunter took a step back to make it easier for her to look at him, and crossed his arms, puffing out his chest as if this would somehow make him look taller. <i>“I</i> have a <i>plan.”</i></p><p>Marji raised an eyebrow, propping her head up in one hand. “I’m listening?”</p><p>“So, do you remember what I told you about what happened on that one mission with Shielder Nillo? When we ran into a giant mutant spider and he basically leaped out of his skin and ran?”</p><p>“Yeah, and then you put one of those little plastic spiders in his coffee.”</p><p>Hunter snorted. “That face he made before throwing the mug across the room was absolutely <i>beautiful,</i> don’t lie.”</p><p>“I’m definitely not saying it wasn’t.”</p><p>“Well, he knows one of the tech guys with portal clearance, and he <i>also</i> knows I’ve got blackmail on him and a willingness to pester him with spiders until the end of time. <i>So,</i> after some bargaining and with the help of my <i>irresistible charm,</i> I worked out a deal.”</p><p>“And that is?”</p><p>“He takes your place in the hell kiosk for a couple hours saying you got called out, Kallio gets us a portal out and makes sure the records match up, and <i>bam,</i> we go carnival-ing.”</p><p>“That easy?” Marji narrowed her eyes, “But what if other officers see us there? We can’t really disguise ourselves.”</p><p>Hunter waved a hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, I know, and I <i>refuse</i> to wear stilts again so you can forget it. But you honestly think the officers who conned their way in are gonna <i>care</i> about us that much? And risk pissing you off when you have a line to the Captain herself and the ability to get them all on probation?”</p><p>A slow grin was starting to spread across Marji’s face, mirrored by her friend. “You’re <i>right.”</i></p><p>“Always am.”</p><p>Marji just barely kept herself from bursting into elated laughter. “You are the best.”</p><p>“I am, yes.” Hunter’s smile was genuine, though, and he was already bouncing on his feet.</p><p>“Can we leave now?”</p><p>“We do have to wait an hour ‘cause Kallio doesn’t get on shift until then and I’ve gotta get ready to ditch the uniform.”</p><p>“Shit, you’re right. Can you grab me something?”</p><p>“The purple blouse and the jeans? And the little blue jacket thing?”</p><p>“Yeah, sure.”</p><p>“Do those even still fit you?”</p><p>“You saying I put on weight, half-stack?”</p><p>“Well, you’re heavier than me.”</p><p>
  <i>“Because you’re like, what, thirty kilos?”</i>
</p><p>She laughed, and he joined in—their banter had become a regular part of her life, something she couldn’t imagine living without.</p><p>However, they were cut off by a tall, noodly-looking Inspector clearing his throat from behind Hunter, and Marji sighed, realizing her respite was over. But Hunter winked at her, and she knew she only had to last a little longer.</p><p>“I’ll be back!” Hunter called, then darted off, allowing the Inspector to come forward.</p><p>Marji watched him go, the smile still on her face, though it quickly faded as the Inspector spoke.</p><p>“So, I need to get to Delta-Niner. It’s quite urgent, you see…”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I was not sure where I was going to go with this, so feel free to imagine any number of shenanigans until they get caught by people who specifically got sent there to be snitches. Even when they're both sitting in front of the Captain's desk getting chewed out, they glance at each other and silently agree it was worth it.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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